|Who’s the douche now?|
Look at the bottle on the right. Assuming you don’t know Dutch, tell me what you think this is. Body lotion right? Creamy, luxurious body lotion that you want to wrap around your body after a hot water bath. That’s precisely what I did, sat on the bed and began massaging it into my hands and legs. It felt sticky, kind of weird, but I figured every new cream takes some getting used to. Until it started to dry up on my skin, then I knew something was up. I called Akshay and asked him to translate the words on the bottle- Lait De Douche/ Douche Creme. Turns out douche is the Dutch word for bath, it’s also American slang for what I felt like when I spent hours in the shower washing all that creme off! A complete douchebag.
I then walked to the bakkerij counter in Albert Heijn. Here’s what happened.
AH Guy: Hi
Me: Hi there! Do you have any cake?
AH Guy: What’s that?
Me: Cake?? Birthday cake?
AH Guy: I’m sorry, but what is that?
Me: <enacting a birthday party, cutting cake with my fingers, blowing candles, mumbling happy birthday…>
AH Guy <flailing arms helplessly>
Me: Come on! <I start singing loudly ‘Happy birthday to you…. Happy birthday to you…”>
At this point another AH salesperson came running to help me out before psycho alerts went off. He also explained that cake is always named after its main ingredient. So, a chocolate cake is a chocoladecake – one word, pronounced all together. An apple cake is an appeltaart, a black forest cake is a zwarte woud taart and so on. I still have to take Dutch lessons (starting this July) in order to corroborate this piece of intel, but at least it explains why I looked totally belachelijik (ref: google translate please).
about how they don’t import games such as Pictionary and Monopoly in English but Scrabble should be the
Scrabble! It was Dutch scrabble, not scrabble for the English speaking Dutch. The words were customised
according to Dutch, a language that uses a
according to Dutch, a language that uses a lot of Z!